(via pretty-rosetta)
(via pretty-rosetta)
(via pretty-rosetta)
WHY THE HELL
WHYYYY THE HELL DID I DECIDE TO RECOVER?
I would rather be skinny than recovered. Fuck this fucking bullshit.
Why did I start going to counseling? Why the hell did I agree to a nutritionist? What the fuck was I thinking?
DFHKJSAHDJKHSAK:DH:KAJSHDKJHDF So goddamn frustrated today.
For three days I ate around 1200 calories and ran anywhere from 3-6 miles and then today I skipped Pi day at school and came home and ate so many cookies, half a goddamn cake, fucking but load of pretzels, brie cheese, triscuits, and chocolate covered almonds. Id say I got up to 4000 calories and I didn’t fucking exercise today.
Such a fucking goddamn fatass. AND last week when I wasn’t exercising I was around 106-108 and for the three days I was working out I was 110.2-110.4 WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS THAT?!?? shouldn’t I be losing weight not gaining it?
FUCK FUCK FUCK I JUST WANT TO BE FUCKING SKINNY AND FEEL MY BONES AGAIN!!!
:)
Weighed in at 117.8! 177.8 more pounds to go! :)
Weigh-in tomorrow.
And I’m terrified. I always am so scared that I’m going to weigh more than I did the week before. It’s also hard losing 3.6 pounds and not seeing one difference. Not one. I know it’s not a lot but seeing no difference is hard. Keep ya posted :)
Keep Calm And Get Fit
I’m down four pounds. fifteen to go.
On Monday
I will be starting my first day in psychological treatment for anorexia and compulsive overeating disorder. Hardest thin I’ve ever been told. But I’m ready to be fixed and I don’t have the will power to do it on my own.
IM SUCH A FAT FUCK
and I want to starve myself forever until i’m skinny.
Everything sucks. and i have NO ONE to tell. I realized that yesterday. and it made me more sad than all the crap in my life. i have NO ONE.
No one to tell that I truly believe i’m fat. that i’m hideous the way i am.
No one to tell that I truly believe i’ll never find anyway that loves me unless i am skinny.
No one to tell that I truly believe i have ruined every relationship i have.
No one to tell how my day has been. bad or good.
No one to tell that my parents divorce killed me. and is still killing me.
No one to tell that my brothers are everything to me. But they will always be closer to each other.
No one to tell that i really do just hate myself.
No one to tell that i cant stand my “friends”
No one to tell that every smile i give at school is 100% fake.
No one to tell that I have two eating disorders.
…and so much more. I have no one and I just want to starve my god damn body.
